ACIM Blog - David Hoffmeister A Course in Miracles

Monday, December 21, 2009

Healing the mind using the example of parenting

Hello David,

I am a relatively new student of A Course in Miracles, and am happy to share with you the Light and Love that has entered my life as a result. At this stage I am only half way through the Lessons, but am also an avid reader of related texts, such as Brent Haskell, Gary Renard and yourself!! My friends and I meet every fortnight to study the Text and share our love and thoughts. I have also been fortunate enough to share with Jason, Kirsten and Mel several times during their stay in NSW (where I live), and am looking forward to meeting them again with you and the other Messengers in March, at Frank Barker's retreat in the Kangaroo Valley.

I felt guided to write to you today however, with respect to a situation I have within my home that requires much Forgiveness, and all of a sudden, I am not coping. I have been unable to discuss it with Jason or Kirsten in truth, although I have had the opportunity, but I am just unable to go there in discussion, or even in my mind - I usually bring down the veil with a smile and brush it off.

My son was born at the end of my first marriage to a very aggressive and intimidating man which ended 12 years ago. I have 3 children, of whom my son, the youngest at 16 years of age, has Aspergers Syndrome (a form of autism). He also suffers from Epilepsy in the form of Absent Partial Seizures. When he has these seizures he speaks of very strong deja vu, and then of wild, extremely violent dreams during the short 'absent' periods (usually around 2 minutes) from his woken state. They are currently increasing in occurrence and seem to be uncontrolled by medication, and we are spending more and more time at the hospital having tests. He is also aggressive in nature and very argumentative, and this, together with him being 220lbs and 6 ft 2in at his age, makes him at times quite formidable.

I feel I have no answers David. I do my lessons and I endeavour to practice what is required, as much as I able, but he continues to deteriorate. Clearly I am struggling with the application of the Course in my life where it is most required? I feel I am strongly guided by the Holy Spirit, in as much as if I go against my inner voice with any decision, my life undoubtedly goes into turmoil! I am then called to look within to identify the cause, which inevitably allows me to recognise that it is just a dream and I am usually able to let it go. I then snuggle back into my Right mind and everything quickly returns to Love and Light. I try, and am mostly able to deal with most things in this way - which is truly beautiful - most things, of course, except those to do with James.

There is no peace except the peace of God, and I need to help him find it for himself. I am feeling that maybe through my story you can see where you may be helpful, to help me be truly helpful to him.

With love and blessings eternal,



Hi Jo,

Thanks for writing and sharing your thoughts and feelings and perceived circumstances. It will be a Joy to meet you in Kangaroo Valley in March.

When something seems to come to our awareness in this world, including a seemingly aggressive and argumentative child, it is just bringing to us an experience that we have asked for in a form that we believe is possible. So the belief system brings us things that which seems to satisfy our prayer or deep desire. Some might call this manifesting. But the most important thing is the prayer of the heart. The deeper you go into spirituality you see that you can only ask for an experience. And you see that the form never brings you the experience. The emotion is always coming from consciousness. As you get wiser and more mature your desire or asking changes; the request from a teenager or mother can seem different than one from a wise master. The teenager might pray for a car or a boyfriend or a girlfriend, the mother for some rest and stability, and the wise master might say; I want peace of mind. So our desire or asking changes as we go through life, until we fully see what the deepest prayer of our heart is; to know our true identity.

The one lesson that we need to learn on earth is the lesson of perfect equality independent of the size of bodies or learned roles. Really this one lesson is an experience of oneness. Parents have an authority problem because they believe that they created the children and therefore have authority over them. It seems like the parents are taking care of the child, but it is again an opportunity to see the perfect equality. That's really what mother-child bonding is about. It's not really a bonding between the bodies. Jesus teaches us that minds are joined and bodies do not. It is more like a telepathic bonding in which you just relax and feel the connectedness. It's an opportunity to relax and enjoy every moment. It's a feeling of connection, the mind is not judging the child, not thinking about the future or the past, not even thinking about a name, it is just in an experience of connection. To feel that connection is the goal of all our mind training by letting go of our judgments.

Everyone is a mirror of the thoughts in the consciousness. Therefore the child is a mirror to the parent and the parent is a mirror to the child. That's why I'm saying: be careful what you pray for, because you always get what you pray for. You can be sure that you are receiving what you are thinking. There are no exceptions to this. So when a parent says I'm having problems with my child, this could be reinterpreted as I'm having problems in my consciousness. You could even say: my child is reflecting my problems in my consciousness or my child is reflecting my issues.

We all have ideas about families, ideas that include memories of our own family past and how we were raised. Many of those memories are very unconscious. Sometimes parents say they want to raise their children differently from how they were raised by their parents, but they are shocked when hearing themselves say the very same words that their parents said to them. Since the past repeats over and over we have to break out of the patterns of the past.

We have to leave over the control to the Holy Spirit. Human beings cannot be partially in control, just like you cannot be partially pregnant. As you begin to see the value of turning things over to the Holy Spirit you can start to include people around you in that. With your son don't talk about anything related to spirituality that you have not experienced yourself. That would only teach speculation. If you do not have a very clear deep direct experience of God, why would you try to explain it to your children? It will only lead to more questions and you might look like a fraud or a phony since your answers would not be genuine. It is a profound thing to be in prayer, in the experience of guidance with what you say and do.

Children can be a great opportunity to practice intuition, because you cannot watch over the child constantly. You have to be intuitive and trusting. The priority is always to be at peace, and a means is to let go of the belief that you can control behavior. You can never control the world of form and the child¡¦s behavior is a part of that. So the parent has never a direct control over the behavior of the child. It is actually impossible. You can control the direction of your thinking, that¡¦s the one thing you have control over. In A Course in Miracles Jesus tells us there are two thought systems, one of love and one of fear. And you can reach the highest potential by practicing listening to the voice for love and using the thought system of love consistently. So in A Course in Miracles Jesus says: 'You may believe that you are responsible for what you do but not for what you think, but you are responsible for what you think and what you do comes from what you think.' So instead of trying to control the behavior, which is an effect, just come back to the mind or the consciousness which is the cause and make a change in your thinking. This does not seem to be easy, but it is definitely the way to peace of mind.

Sometimes you may think that you are personally responsible for the child, if the child gets angry or aggressive for example. But finally the idea of being personally responsible for anything has to go. No body can really be responsible for any body. Atonement or Correction in mind is ultimately the sole responsibility, and the only choice which brings lasting peace.

We can go into the self-concept and the need to release it completely at the Kangaroo Valley retreat. See you soon!

Forever in Love,